Fix Me?
by rileyxfriar
Summary: Riley Matthews had the perfect life until that one day, all of that fell apart. She lost her best friend, first love. Her parents are alcoholics and barely funds her and her little brother. She only has two friends and she changed since freshman year. Who can fix her? Put her whole again? (Mentions of Self harm, eating disorders, and drug abuse)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

No one knew how it happened. That day they were friends. The next, they were not. What happened? It's like all of sudden their friendship cracked. Their friends tried to fix it but now, they all split. One with the other and vice versa. It was just that one mistake that that person made that spilt everyone apart for months. Now it's been a year and they all are now in different cliques. What happened? What cracked?

[:Riley:]

It's been a year since the incident. I felt a tear drop but I quickly wiped it away. Stop crying Riley. You cried too much already. I got up from bed and decided to get change in my black t-shirt and jeans. I put on some dark makeup but not a lot. As you can see, I changed a lot because of what happened. It still hurts me everyday. The words they said to me.

"I only pretended to like you because I felt bad for you."

"I can't believe I was ever friends with a weirdo like you."

"I cheated on you, you little bitch."

"I hated you. So I got my revenge and stole your boyfriend."

I hated them ever since. I don't know why they were like this. I told myself to forget about them and walked down to the kitchen. I saw a few beer bottles on the table. I sighed. They drank again. I took the bottles and threw them away. I don't know what happened and I don't know how this happened to me. I was having the perfect life and now I have the most horrible life. I lost my boyfriend and best friend. I still have the other two. My parents are alcoholics but they still love me. My parents have been fighting a lot. They are thinking of divorce but I told them to work it out. So, probably before they went to this marriage therapy thing in Philly, they drank and drank. They didn't drank before and now they do. Auggie, he isn't doing too well either. Ever since my parents were drunk all the time and fighting, Auggie has been depressed. He got into fights and was caught drinking in the streets. He's only a ten year old boy and he started drinking. He's upset. My parents didn't even bother to pick him up from school so I had to when he was in trouble. I was more of a parent to him than my real parents were. Auggie and I have this special bond we have ever since this happened. Me, I'm depressed. I'm anorexic, bulimic, self harmed, and I have panic attacks and nightmares. I have a lot of anxiety. I just wish everything was how it was before.

I'm eighteen now and I'm going into my senior year. I can't wait to graduate and go far away from here. I'm becoming a writer and I have a scholarship to Emory University: Atlanta, Georgia already. I'm just glad I'll be staying far far away from New York. I've been working a lot. I've been working on two shifts everyday. In the summer, I worked as an intern as a journalist for two months. They paid me well that let me afford the cost of the bills and food. I don't have a car so I walk Auggie to school and myself to school. I don't want to pay for another object. Now, I'm done my internship and working in Topanga's full shift everyday after school. I am the manager there now. Katy died in a car accident and it was a tragic loss for everyone especially Her. On the weekends, I work as a feminist journalist which I love so much. I'm going to broadcast and display my speech next year. At nights, I work as a bartender serving drinks to people.

I walked up to Auggies room. I saw Auggie asleep, with dried tears. It breaks my heart that he has to experience this at such a young age.

"Auggie, wake up. You have school. First day in fifth grade." I said quietly, gently shaking him.

"I don't wanna!" He mumbled. I sighed. It's going to be hard but it my job that he gets the education he needs. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm in college. My parents won't be back for a year and a half because this marriage rehab goes for that long. So, I don't know. I can't leave Auggie alone by himself when he needs me the most.

"Bubba, you have to get up. Or I won't cook waffles!" I said in a sing song voice. He jumped out of bed.

"I'm up, I'm up!" He exclaimed excitedly. I shook my head chuckling, ruffling his hair. He started getting ready so I decided to prepare his waffles like I promise I would. I made him the waffles, put whip cream and strawberries how he likes it and gave him some chocolate milk. Auggie came down and started digging in. He was chewing on his piece of waffle until he looked up and stared at me frowning.

"Riley, why aren't you eating?" He asked. I urged the feeling to wince. He was suspicious when he took notice I was never eating.

"I'm not hungry." I lied to him. I don't want him worrying about me. He's my top priority. He should worry about himself, not me.

"You are lying. I know when you are lying because you always say you aren't hungry." He retorted. I sighed quietly and putting up a forced smile. I took a piece of waffle and slipped it in my mouth, hesitating to swallow it.

"There see. I have been eating. Don't worry Bubba." I told him. He looked at me one more time then stopped eating.

"Let's just go to school!" He mumbled and grabbed his bag. I followed him out shaking my head in shame at myself. I will take care of myself later.

I walked Auggie to John Quincy Adams Elementary School. I bid him a goodbye.

"Remember, I will pick you up at school. Stay out of trouble!" I shouted to him. He probably rolled his eyes at me.

"No promises!" He shouted back and then disappeared in the crowd of kids. I walked myself to the high school. I walked in the crowded hallways. Before I go meet Zay and Farkle, I go to the bathroom. I go to the big stall with the sink and mirror. I bent over the toilet and plunged two fingers in my throat. I started gagging and all the contents poured out of me. I flushed the toilet and stated swishing some mouth wash and spit into the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror. I could hear the demons call out, calling my name.

Riley

Worthless

Slut

Ugly

Quirky

Stupid

I shook my head, trying to push them away. I got out my blade and sliced my arms. Sixteen cuts a day I make everyday. I cleaned the blood and my tears. I put the blade back into my hidden place in my backpack and started to proceed through the hallways. Missy Bradford stood upon me.

"Freak!" She exclaimed and laughed along with her and her plastic friends. I looked down, ignoring her and started to walk towards Farkle and Zay. I avoided all eye contact with Missy and her.

"Aw, she's walking away telling her mommy and daddy." Missy teased.

"Missy, enough!" I froze in my tracks as I heard the familiar voice who whispered.

"What? Maya, she is a nothing. That's why you aren't best friends anymore. You are way better than her." Missy told Maya. Farkle and Zay looked at me. I could feel a tear sliding down but I brushed it away before it could flow. I can't cry here. Not now.

"You're right!" Maya said quietly. My shoulders slumped in defeat and sadness. I was saved by the bell and I walked into Harper's class immediately. I sat in the back now. I hate being in the front. Farkle and Zay sits back here with me so I wouldn't be alone.

"Welcome back. This is your last year together as high schoolers so make it count. Today, we will start reading Cracked. It's about a girl in high school who is depressed. She self harms, anorexic, and bulimic. She gets into a fight with her friends and they spilt apart. She lost everything. She has to take care of-" I couldn't listen anymore. This was literally basically my life. I know how it goes. I'm experiencing it right now. The only question is. Who is willing to fix me?

Hey guys, I'm taking a short hiatus for New of Us. Just one comment on your comments some were good. This one comment was not acceptable as what I wrote was to teach you about the aspects of bullying. Anyways, this is called "Fix Me"

Summary:

Riley Matthews had the perfect life until that one day, all of that fell apart. She lost her best friend, first love. Her parents are alcoholics and barely funds her and her little brother. She only has two friends and she changed since freshman year. Who can fix her? Put her whole again? (Mentions of Self harm, eating disorders, and drug abuse)

I will be updating every Wednesday. :)

I hope enjoyed it. It took me a long time to write but it's worth it.

See you on December 23rd

-Jackie


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **[:Riley:]**

The bell rang and I sprinted out. I didn't know where I was going and I bumped into something muscular.

"Oh my god, I'm so sor-" I started to apologize until I looked up. Fear was written across my face and I was staring blankly at the person in front me. It was my ex boyfriend Lucas Friar. The one who cheated on me with my best friend. I still love him but he's dating her now.

"No, my fault. I should of looked where I was going." He told me, still staring at me. I couldn't help but feel tears prickling my eyes. I took a breath and nodded walking away. I heard running behind me.

"Wait Riles-" I froze where I was. It's been a long time since I heard him say that. Why is he making an effort now? He had a year! The whole freaking year. But, I can't stay mad at him. I forgive them a long time ago. But also, I still can't help betrayed.

"Yeah?" I curiously asked, still fazed. My voice was so quiet.

"C-can we meet up at Topanga's for coffee? I need to talk to you." My eyebrow furrowed together.

"You want to talk to me, after this whole year of what happened?" I asked trying to get what he is saying. He nodded. I had a huge argument in my head.

"Please. Hear me out." Lucas pleaded. I looked over his shoulder. I saw Billy, Charlie, and Liam laughing. The idiotic jocks. Did I forget to mention Lucas too?

"Is this some sort of prank?" I asked, getting angry.

"No seriously. I swear." Lucas retorted. I sighed.

"Okay fine-" he sighed in relief. "But, I work as manager at Topanga's so I'll just make you coffee and you talk while I work."

"But, doesn't your mom work there?" He asked. I looked down.

"I'll see you after school." I said, standing up straighter walking to my next class.

I picked up Auggie an hour after my school ended. It was a pretty normal day. Except for the Lucas thing. I went back to the apartment, threw my stuff. I walked with Auggie to the cafe. Auggie usually just sits and plays on tablet waiting until I get off my shift. I walked In and started putting my apron on. I was now working.

An hour later, the store opened revealing Lucas. He walked towards me with a small smile.

"Can you take a break on your shift?" He asked. I nodded and told Alisha one of my employees to cover for me. We walked in a near by booth and sat down. There was a couple of minutes of silence.

"Do you want anything?" I asked. He shook his head no.

"Look Riley, I need to explain what really happened." He started. I encouraged him to go on. "That day when you heard that stuff. Maya and I were blackmailed by Missy. Missy told us if we didn't be friends with her or make us be cruel to you. She would expose my secret and Maya's secret."

"So this whole thing is about you guys being selfish?" I asked him angrily.

"What? No! This secret was about you! This could ruin you." I was taken back.

"What is this secret?" I asked him. He started telling me. I gasped in shock. I felt tears fogging my vision. How could I not know this? Who did this to me?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how to. You would blame yourself about this." Well there is another thing to cut about.

"Riley, how are you? I missed you so much. I'm really sorry." He asked quietly.

"I missed you too and it's ok. Also, I-I'm ok. I could be better." Trying to crack a joke. He didn't laugh.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"I should really get back to work." I said and stood up.

"No Riley, you are telling me now!" He commanded.

"Lucas I'm ok."

"Tell me!"

"I'm fine!"

"Riley-"

"Okay fine." I took a deep breath. I rolled up my sleeves. He stared at them in horror.

"Also, I have depression. I have a panic disorder and I'm suicidal." I told him. He looked at me. "If you want to leave, leave. I already got left. I'm the only guardian of Auggie. My parents are alcoholics and are in marriage and alcohol rehab for a year and a half." I left the anorexic and bullimic out because I know he"ll force to me out.

"Riley, I'm never leaving you. I'm not losing you ever again." He said.

"Lucas, this is probably too much for you. You are the only one who knows about my disorders. You can't tell anyone. No one can know. Hell, not even Auggie knows." I told him, in a serious tone.

"I promise I won't."

"Good. I really want you back in my life again but I know you were trying to protect me, but I can't trust you completely after what happened. Why come clean now?" I asked.

"I understand. And, Missy is moving to Europe. So, there is no harm to all of us since she isn't here anymore." He said.

"Seriously? What about Maya?" I asked.

"Maya, she's changed a lot. She lost her mom and you. We broke up months ago because we didn't have the spark anymore. Missy forced us to date each other. At first, I really did have feelings for her but it didn't felt right after 7 months" He explained. What did he mean change? What's going on?

"What do you mean she changed?" I asked him, fearing the worst.

"She fell into the bad crowd. But, Maya was never faking her cruelness to you. I was. Maya told me she always hated you for having the perfect life. But, I can tell you don't have anymore." Tears slowly dripped down. "Hey, don't cry." But I was. I don't understand how my best friend could be so hateful towards me when all I had is return kindness. Tonight I will be cutting seven times probably more because of all the pain I'm having.

"Lucas, can you come over? I really need to end my shift early. I'll be right back." I told him, cleaning my tears. I walked into the kitchen and told Alisha to lock up when closed because I'm leaving early. She said okay. I walked back and saw Lucas standing up. I took off my apron and got my bag.

We were at my apartment, with Auggie.

"Bubba, go to your room and do your homework." I commander gently.

"Okay. What are we having for dinner tonight?" He asked me curiously.

"Spaghetti and meatballs. You won't get any of you don't do your homework." I teased. He ran to his room. I chuckled an sat down on the couch.

"You never told me where your mom and dad is." I looked down. I knew Lucas was going to ask me that. "Is everything okay?"

"My parents are alcoholics and they are at marriage rehab, fixing their relationship." I told him.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. They didn't-" He started by I cut him off, knowing what he was going to say.

"No they don't abuse us." I finished for him. He nodded in understanding. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" I don't know why I forgived him so easily. I know I still love him, but does he still like me. Like, he did date Maya. There is more to the story than you think. Even though they just called me words. They did worse, but they don't know that because they were drunk.

"I would love to." He said, giving his famous Lucas smile that made my knees go weak.

I put the last plate on the table.

"Guys, come down. Dinner is ready!" I called Auggie and Lucas. Lucas was playing with Auggie while I was busy. I heard footsteps coming in the kitchen.

"That was so cool how we build that lego city!" Auggie awed in ectasy still hyped from playing with Lucas. I smiled. Auggie is becoming more happy again. I can tell.

"I'm so glad you had fun Augs." Lucas ruffled his hair, smirking. They stare at the food and started digging in. I just sat there looking at them smiling. Lucas looked at me.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked. I froze in my spot. Auggie please don't say anything.

"She never eats." Auggie told him. Lucas eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me. He stood up and scooped some spaghetti and suace and meatballs together. He put it into a bowl and placed it right in front me.

"Eat!" He demanded. I looked at him in horror. I can't eat. I'm too fat.

"I-I cant!" I whispiered, stuttering. He sat right beside of me.

"Riley, you need to eat. Are you anorexic or bullimic?" He asked. I froze. He'll know that I am lying to him.

"Both." I said quietly. He crossed his arms. I know he wasn't mad at me. Maybe irritated, worried?

"Riley, eat. And I don't want to see you in the bathroom after dinner." He knows his stuff doesn't he? I slowly ate, feeling the warm sensation of sauce and noodles going down my throat. I only took five bites but I couldn't do it.

"I'm done!" I said and ran out of the kitchen and into my room. I could hear him following me. I decided to throw up outside, so I escaped from the bay window. I was about shove two fingers into my throat until I felt a strong hand wrapped around mine.

"Riley, please." He pleaded, worried. "This isn't healthy." He englufed me in a hug and that is when the strings I have been holding, broke. I was now sobbing on the ground with Lucas calming me down.

 **Hey guys so there is chapter 2. I really wanted to post this earlier because I was finished with this for a couple of days. What was the sercret that jeopardized their friendship and relationship? You'll find out through out the story. Why does Maya hate Riley? There is more to the story than hating Riley for a perfect life. Catch it next wednesday.**

 **-JACKIE**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

[:Lucas:]

I can't believe this happened to Riley and it just breaks my heart that I was part of her pain. If Missy never said anything, we could of have still been friends and dating. I still don't even know how Missy knew about the secret. I don't understand. I stared at the sleeping Riley, who had tear stains marked on her face. It scared me how I had to see her purge. She sobbed in my arms while I was rocking her in my arms. I was trying to hold back my tears as I just saw her literally crumble. I felt hot tears flowing down. I bit my tongue to hold back a sob. I gently placed her head on the couch and walked out of the apartment just to get some air. I say by a near by bench and started sobbing, not caring that I was loud. I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked up and saw a dark skinned woman with a hat on. It was crazy hat woman aka Evelyn.

"What's a matter Hun?" She asked concern written all over her face. That's when I began to explain what happened.

"Oh sweetie pie. It's gonna be okay. All you need to do is give Riley all the moral support she needs." She told me.

"Thanks Evelyn. It means a lot." I said and waved goodbye as I walked back I to Riley's apartment. I saw Auggie standing over Riley, tears streaming down. He looked up and saw my presence in the room. He glared at me and ran to his room. I chased after him. He closed the door and I tried to get in but it was locked.

"Augs, let me in. Please!" I begged.

"You are the one who caused her pain you asshole." He said. He was right. I was the one who caused her pain.

"I'll explain everything if you open the door." I told him. I could hear his footsteps. He opened the door.

"How could you? How could you do that to my sister?" He screamed.

"Auggie, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed and began to explain what happened.

"Why-" We heard the door slam.

"Riley, wake up!" I heard a voice whisper. Who the hell is here? And how did they get in here.

"What are you doing here? You aren't supposed to come until Saturday!" Riley asked the mystery man.

"I know, but I got off work early so I decided to come here. Wait, have you been crying?" The guy asked. Who is he? I could hear a thick silence in the air.

"Riley, what's going on?" The guy asked, concern in his voice. Riley said something inaudible to hear.

"He's here. In the house!" He screamed. I could hear the footsteps coming towards Auggie's room. He made an appearance in the hallway. It was Riley's uncle, Josh.

"You! Get your filthy dick out of this house! How could you come in here and take advantage of my niece?" He screamed at me.

"Uncle Josh, stop!" Riley cried out."

"No Riley, he hurt you. And you fucking let him back into your life! He caused you years worth of misery. And now, you forgave him." He shouted. Riley looked down and I saw Auggie scared to life.

"Josh, we shouldn't do this here in front of Auggie. Let's go outside. You can hit me, kick me. Whatever. I deserve it." I said calmly. He glared at me.

"Auggie, go to your room." Josh said. Auggie did what he was told.

"No, you hurt Riley! Do you think I'm going to let you back in her life so you can destroy her again?" He asked angry.

"Josh, I already feel so bad that I let her go. But, you need to let me explain why I did this. I did this to protect Riley." I felt a huge smack on my nose. He punched me.

"Josh!" Riley exclaimed. I felt blood dripping down my nose.

"It's okay Riley. I deserve it." I could hear mumbling 'yeah you kinda do' now I'm confused.

"Protecting her?" He laughed humorlessly. "Protecting her my ass! You weren't protecting her! You were protecting yourself. How about this. I don't tear you down to pieces, but you stay away from Riley. I don't want you near her, I don't want you to look at her eyes, and I don't want you even in the same room with her. Got it?" I looked at Riley.

"Maybe it is for the best." She said.

"Riley-" I trailed off, I could hear my heart breaking.

"You did hurt me after all. I lost my best friend because of you. I lost myself because of you. I thought I could forgive you but I can't. After, the misery you put me through. No way in hell can I ever forgive you for the fucking shit you make me have to go through!" I was paralyzed in shock. The girl I'm still in love with, now will never forgive me. I don't know how I can live with myself.

"Then, I'll leave." I said.

"That's a good idea. Now get out." Josh demanded. I left quickly, tears streaming down my face. I will get Riley to fall in love with me again. She has to forgive me. She just has to.

I woke up in my bed, not feeling the day at all. The events that happened yesterday. I lost her again. I started to get ready and drove to school. I don't think I could avoid Riley but I have to. If it's what makes Riley happy. I will wait for her, as long as it takes. I went to my locker and got the books I need for my first period class, which was History with Mr. Dale. I actually did miss Mr. Matthews, but he's an alcoholic. I can't believe Riley's parents would be those people too. They were so perfect. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Yo, Luke. What's up with you?" Bully, my current best friend asked. I sighed. "Bro, what's with you. You haven't seen like yourself and you ditched the guys and I when we asked you to come over and watch the play offs with us."

"I was at Riley's." I told him.

"Riley? As in Riley Matthews, the bright quirky girl who you guys had an unofficial thing going." He chuckled. "Man, that never changed."

"Well it did. She isn't so quirky or happy anymore. And, she changed. And she doesn't want to be apart of my life anymore." Bully sighed.

"Damn, that's harsh dude."

"Whatever, let's just get to class." I said. We walked in Mr. Dale's history room.

"The Civil War!" Dale exclaimed.

"The Civil Bore." Maya exclaimed. Oh no, not again.

"Thank you mini market of of the state." He said. Deja vù. That is scaring me.

"How much do you make Mr. Dale?" Maya teased. He stared at her.

"The Civil War, anyone?" He asked. Farkle raised his hand.

"A war that was fought between a country with one another." Farkle said.

"Nerd alert!" Billy exclaimed.

"Billy, cut it out!" I exclaimed. Everyone stared at me in pure shock. I looked over and saw Riley looked at me in surprise.

"Lucas, what's your problem. Why are defending a loser like him?" Farkle will always be my best friend even though he hates me. I got up, and shoved Billy on the wall.

"Talk about him like that again, and your body isn't the only thing that will be shoved up a wall!" I said in a dark voice. Billy looked at me in pure fear.

"Lucas, stop!" A calming voice exclaimed. I looked over and saw Riley with pleading eyes. I let Billy go and went back to my seat. Farkle looked at me.

"Thanks for standing up for me Lucas." Farkle thanked me.

"No problem. Even though you hate me. You'll always be my best friend." He smiled at me and Mr. Dale went back to his lesson.

So there you have it chapter 3. I'm so sorry for not updating. It's been so hectic. I was in California during winter break so I didn't want to have to worry about updating so I skipped that week. Then the next week, I got really sick so I couldn't update. Then, I was really busy with school and I was studying for finals and still am. I promise I will be on time. Finals are this Thursday and Friday so next Wednesday I can post. I'm probably going to start the chapter 4 on Friday night because I also have a three day weekend next week yay. Also, happy 2016. Hope you guys had a good new year. I'm so late but whatever. Jackie signing out.


	4. Chapter 4

[:Riley:]

It was like a tear in the heart as I said that. Hearing Josh, repeating what destroyed me that made me look like this, it just twisted my instinct. I wasn't ready to trust again. I was way too forgiving. I can't just be like, "Oh Lucas I forgive you now. I love you!" But I know I want to make amends to someone else. I was so focus on Lucas, that maybe I should try and listen and ask why she hates me. Maya. The best friend I had since kindergarten and she betrayed me. I took out my phone and swiped through my list of contacts until I found her name.

"Peaches"

I pressed the call button. It rang a few times until I heard the cackle. I was taken back by surprise. I thought she would ignore my call.

"Hello?" I heard Maya's voice. "Riley, what do you want?" She sounded genuine like she was happy to hear my voice again which confused me.

"Can you meet me at the bay window? I think we need to talk." I asked quietly probably waiting for her answer to say no.

"I'll be there in five."

I waited at the bay window until Maya came in through the window like old time sakes. She settled down and it was awkward. I felt her direction shift to me.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed. "For everything. For how I treated you. For pushing you away. For blaming you for my crappy life and getting jealous of your perfect life. At first it was to protect you and then I started to like being without you because I could be myself but my life has been falling apart without you. I miss you." She had tears running down as well I. I smiled, a true smile that I haven't shown in a year.

"I missed you too Peaches." I breathe. "I forgive you." Her smile broadened widely.

"But, I don't think our friendship could ever be the same. I don't think that closeness will ever be the same because of this year time gap. You'll always be my sister and best friend, but I don't think I can go back where you have to protect me and shield me away from the world. Im a senior. I need to grow. But I forgive you."

"Oh Riles." Maya sobbed. She threw her arms around me and I started sobbing too. We just sat there holding onto each other for dear life.

We walked in Topanga's and was faced to face with Missy Bradford.

"Wow, Maya. I've only been gone for a day and your already going back to that loser stage." Missy sneered. Maya tensed up, but I rubbed her shoulders in assurance.

"Leave her alone Missy." I told her. Missy looked at me.

"Oh please. Why would I listen to you? To someone who cuts, starves them self and have parents who are alcoholics." She laughed. I froze. Maya looked at me in horror.

"Oh Maya? She didn't tell you. Cory and Topanga are alcoholics. Auggie is a naughty boy. And Riley here cuts herself, starves herself and tried to kill herself." I was in shock.

"Who told you..." I whispered.

"Oh Lucas did." Missy said innocently. My eyes felt wet and I realized I was crying. Maya rushed me out of Topanga's.

"Riles, how could you not tell me?" Maya asked me.

"I couldn't tell you that because I still didn't trust you. Maya, I'm still healing. I'm still recovering from the pain I had to face for this past year. Losing my parents to alcohol was the most painful thing to have to go through. They are in therapy now. My uncle Josh comes by every week to check on us. Auggie is slowly falling apart. He hasn't fully break because I'm there to keep him together. My grades have been slipping and not having you two in my life was hard. Farkle and Zay were the only one to stay with me, but it never was normal like it used to be. And now, Lucas comes and you come back in my life. I just wanted to live now." I explained to her. She looked at me. It looked like she was having a debate with herself of what she had to say.

"Riley, you won't do it anymore right?" She asked quietly.

"I never said that."

"But Riley-"

"But what? It isn't easy. I'm still hurt. I forgave you but I'm still hurting. Lucas destroyed me. You destroyed me. I have to pick up the pieces. And it isn't gonna be easy." I said.

"But you won't have to do it alone. I'm here forever. And I don't want to lose my best friend again over some guy. Because losing you was the biggest mistake of my life." Maya confessed.

"As long as I know you won't hurt me again. I'll try to lean on you. But, this still doesn't mean we can go back to where we were. Deal?"

"You got a deal."

I'm sorry it's short but I've been on writers block. I'm trying to take some advice and taking it slow. Even though Riley and Maya made up. Riley still doesn't trust her. Their friendship still has some repairs to make but Lucas and Riley need a lot of repairs. I'm sorry for the wait. I've been so busy. Hopefully next chapter is next week:) signing out. -Jackie


	5. Chapter 5

[:Lucas:]

I really thought she would forgive me. Oh hell, I knew she wouldn't. I hurt her. I broke her. Something happened to Riley the week before shit happened. Before I lost her. But, she doesn't remember.

Flashback

We were at a party in our first day of junior year. I was drinking a beer when I saw Riley and Maya walk into the house.

I walked over.

"Hey Babe, Pancakes." I greeted them. Maya glared daggers at me because of the old nickname.

"Hi Lucas." Riley said politely, kissing me on the lips. Maya gagged.

"Get a room you two." She snorted. We laughed. Maya walked away probably looking for a guy to flirt with.

"So, how was your first day?" I asked taking a sip of my beer. She took it out of my hands and took a sip out of it.

"It was good. How about you?" She asked me. I said the same thing. She started getting a bottle of beer. She opened it and took a drink out of it.

"Baby, why are you drinking? Is everything okay?" I asked concerned. This isn't like her. She normally doesn't drink. She would take sips of my beer but that's it. She wouldn't get her own beer unless...

"I'm fine Lucas." She breathe. I looked at her not believing her lie one second.

"Riles, what the hell is going on?" I asked determined to get it out of her. She closed her eyes, taking a chug out of her bottle.

"I've been stressed for school. My teachers are giving me tests tomorrow. And I've been dealing with my anxiety shit."She cried frustrated. I grasped her face.

"Listen to me. I don't want you stressing over tests. But please don't drink too much tonight." I whispered. She looked at me, her eyes glassy.

"I won't." She croaked. And I kissed her. But she did. She still did. She was drunk. I went to the bathroom and then I came back with no sight of her. I looked everywhere but I heard loud noises and screaming of pain. It sounded like Riley's so I ran to the bedroom to find a guy on top of Riley, raping her.

"Get the hell away from my girlfriend you ass." I screamed and punched him in the face. He tried to punch back but I blocked if. I kicked his balls and he fell to the ground groaning in pain. I ran to Riley's fragile body. She had tears mark all over and there was blood everywhere. Her clothes were torn and her underwear was in good shape. I took off my sweatshirt and put it on her. She cried in my chest.

"Lucas. Take me home." She whispered. "Of course." The next morning she doesn't remember. We thought she would remember but she didn't. We didn't want to tell her because I don't want to freak her out. The guy who raped her used a condom so that's good. Missy found out the week after.

"Wow. Your girl friend is a slut. Hope she gets pregnant and get disowned." She sneered laughing. Maya and I looked at her our anger flaring.

"Bitch, I hope you do because you-" Maya was cut off by Missy.

"Because I'm what? Oh you wouldn't want to say anything to me because if you guys don't do what I say. I'll tell the whole school that Riley had sex with a guy and cheated on Lucas." Missy explained, her voice carefree.

"What do you want?" I asked angrily.

"I want you to break off all friendships and relationship with your girl. You must tell her you only pretended to like her and that you didn't actually did. And that you cheated on her."

"What the f***? I'm not-" Maya cursed.

"Do it or bye bye Riley's reputation."

The next few days we had to avoid Riley until she approached us.

"Why have you guys been avoiding me?" She asked.

"Just stop talking to us you freak." I sneered, my heart breaking. She looked shocked.

"W-what?" She stammered, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I only pretended to like you because I felt bad for you." I said, feeling my breath being squeezed.

"I can't believe I was ever friends with a weirdo like you." Maya exclaimed.

"I cheated on you, you little bitch." I told her.

"I hated you. So I got my revenge and stole your boyfriend." Maya laughed. Riley looked at us and ran away, crying.

I looked at Maya and she looked at me.

"I'm sorry." We whispered in unison.

End of Flashback

I don't want to tell her the rape. I don't know how. She hates me. I don't know what to do. But I will get Riley to forgive me and to be mine again.

Okay so I know that's super short but I wanted to post something. Also, this chapter is flashback. Now you know what happens. Your rucas heart will be rekindled, on chapter 10 or will it? Stay tune for Chapter 6. Ik I haven't posted in so long I've been super busy.

-Jackie


	6. Chapter 6

[:Riley:]

I sat on the bench, breathing heavily, trying to not break down again. I told Maya I wanted to be alone. I looked around at my surroundings, trying to find something I know I wouldn't be able to get. Something shiny had brimmed my eyes. I squinted through the hard light of the sun. Bingo. I found my relief. I walked toward the object that laid on the brown dirt next to a tree. Picking it up, I stared at the object then eventually closing my eyes, feeling the sharpness and grasping the handle as tightly as I can, like my life depended on it. I took one breath. I hid behind the large tree, took a long glance at the sight of the sharp blade. I raised it up and placed it on the flesh of my skin. You could see the previous scars starting to fade but new ones were replaced last week, making new scars. I slowly pressed the blade into my skin, feeling the blood ooze out of my skin. I can feel my skin tearing. I closed my eyes, feeling the numbness and relief swept away from me. I felt tears of relief stream down my face as I keep slicing through the skin. I felt strong hands grasping my hand, making me let go of the blade that was now covered in blood. I slowly opened my watery eyes, my face inches away from a figure that has dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect jaw. I was face to face with the guy I once loved who betrayed me. I was face to face with the guy who hurt me. He looked at me. Sadness and anger plastered all over the features of his face. I remember so clearly how his features looked like when he would get angry and upset. His brows would narrow together, his eyes gets pierced, and his standing position gets hunched. I could smell his minty breath. He kept looking at me with the same expression. He looked too speechless to say anything. We stood there for what seems hours but in reality it's only been a couple of minutes. He finally had the courage to speak and I was afraid of what he was going to say. He took one long breathe, shutting his eyes. A tear flew out.

"Why? Just why, do you keep doing this to yourself?" He asked, his voice cracking and you could hear the roughness in his throat. "You don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve to be happy. I betrayed you. I destroyed you. I made you feel this way. It's my fault you went through this. I can't apologize for what I did to you because I know you wouldn't forgive me anyways." I looked at him, tears already dried up on my cheeks. I was about to reach up and wipe away his tears but I couldn't give in.

"Lucas." I took a long breath, carefully trying to watch what I was going to say. "Before I say anything about what you said. I need you to clarify one thing."

"What is it?" He asked me, curiosity invaded his expression. Tears kept flowing out of his blue eyes.

"Did you tell Missy, what I told you?" I questioned quietly. He looked at me, hurt now covering his curiosity expression.

"What? Of course not. Is that what you think I would do? After everything I put you through? I would go tell a person whom I strongly hate, something so serious and something that kills me inside that I was the reason. Is that how you see me? Is that the guy I am now to you?" He cried, frustration hinting into his voice. I could feel his body trembling. His eyes full with puddles of tears that pooled down. His face was expressed with anguish and hurt. Why do I feel so guilty? He was the one who hurt me, destroyed my heart. So, why do I feel like I'm the bad guy here?

"Will you stop? Stop acting like your the victim here. What about what you have done to me? What about how you treated me? Do you think I would of forgiven you right away? That I was the same Riley last year that would go straight into your arms and forgive you that easily? I changed Lucas. I am definitely not that naive and dumb girl who you thought I was. I grew. Maybe you need to be able to accept that before you ask me for forgiveness." I explained, hurt, betrayal, anger was all mixed in my voice. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall.

"Riley please." He begged, closing his eyes in despair. I could see the hope slowly drifting away from him. "I know. I know I screwed up. I know I lost you. I know that I can probably never reconcile what we had and probably ever get that same love we had in junior, but I'm asking you. No, I'm begging you to please give me another chance. I can not handle being without you. You are my life Riley. I let you go out of trying to protect you! Everything I did was out of protection and love. You have to trust me! Please." My breath hitched through my throat. I could feel the blood drying up in my arms. My arm wasn't numb anymore. I felt more pain than the relief I always would have. Why did I feel like this. God, why does Lucas Friar make me feel like this? Why can't I not love him. I'm still naive. I want to jump into his arms and tell him that I forgive him, but I don't want to get hurt again. He is- wait. What did he just say? Everything I did was out of protection and love. You have to trust me! Please.

What did that mean?

"Lucas, what did you mean about protecting me."

"Oh shit." I heard him mumble, his eyes full of fear. I looked at his facial expression and realized he's been hiding something from me since last year. "Riley. Please, you need to trust me on this. I'm only keeping this from you for your own good. I need you to trust me on this!" I narrowed my eyes, trying to decipher whether I should trust him or I shouldn't. I could tell by his face he was sincere and telling the truth. Damn it Riley. I'm under the spell. I won't give in 100%, but I will start to become more sympathetic about it. Lucas, please don't make me regret this. Hurt me again, I'm never trusting you again.

"I trust you." His eyes jumped in glee. "But, hurt me again. I'm never trusting you again. I'm not giving you another chance. Don't mess this up. And I don't full trust you. But I'm gonna start."

"I won't hurt you ever again." He said.

"Well good."

While I was writing this, I realized that in the first chapter Riley finds out what happens. Ignore that. She does not know what happens. She will figure it out sometime through the story. You thought she would find out this chapter. Psh yeah right. I took some of you advice and decided not to rush things. This chapter isn't rushing things honestly. Riley isn't gonna trust him that easily. Oh and you are probably gonna wonder why in the hell am I not gonna explain more of the cutting incident. I have something planned next chapter . *evil smirk* You guys won't be disappointed I hope. My story isn't that boring right ? This chapter literally kept me on the edge of my seat as I wrote. What do you Guys want to happen? Comment. I wanna hear them and maybe I will use that idea :) Until next chapter. Jackie signing out.


	7. Chapter 7

[:Lucas:]

"I trust you. But, hurt me again. I'm never trusting you again. I'm not giving you another chance. Don't mess this up. And I don't full trust you. But I'm gonna start."

I can not mess this up. I already broke her. I already destroyed what has been slowly breaking since the beginning. She has the right to not trust me. I don't trust myself. Not with her. But, when she finally trusts me, then I will trust myself. This past year was hell for me, without Riley Matthews to cuddle me or watch Cuddle Bunnies with. All of that was thrown in the trash because I was so stupid to let her go. I shouldn't of let her wander off her self that night. I'm willing to mend the broken heart that I have created. I'm still in love with her. The way she walks. The way she laughs. Her smile, kindness, gorgeousness, sincerity, boldness. All of those qualities is what I love about her. I miss her touches and voice. The way where she would lay on my lap with her eyes close, humming such a beautiful song with her beautiful voice.

Riley and I were at her place, me wrapping her wrist with a gauge. It was a struggle. Watching those cuts turn so gruesome on her perfect, pale white, skin. I was failing in holding back the tears. I would glance up to Riley. She would just stare at the wall, with her chocolate brown eyes, piercing through it. I finished wrapping the gauge and closed the first aid kit. I kept looking at the fragile girl. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I sat next to her on the couch, slowly putting my hand under her chin. I made her turn her face towards me. I could hear her breath hitch. I wasn't going to kiss her or she won't trust me. I just wanted to stare at her. Get to be able to read her. Read what she is thinking.

"What are you thinking?" I asked my voice barely a whisper. She kept looking at me, her lips trembled and her eyes glassed.

"Why you keep doing this to me? It's like me falling in love with you again." She quietly said. My eyes I swore came out of my sockets. She's falling in love with me again.

"Riley-" I started until I heard a huge bang of the door.

[:Riley:]

Uncle Josh burst into the living room. He looked at me, anger and fear in his eyes.

"Riley, where the hell were you and why are you with him?" He asked, angrily. But, the emotion of anger went away as he saw my broken state and bloodily wrist. "Riles, what's wrong?" He doesn't know anything about my self harm or disorder or anything. He will freak out once I tell him. I looked at Lucas.

"I take that as my cue to leave. I'll see you later Riley." Lucas gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"I think that'll be best." Josh snapped. "Oh and by the way, don't ever step foot into this apart-"

"Uncle Josh!" I spat. He looked at the floor sheepishly. "He is the one that helped me when-" I trailed off. I don't know how to tell him.

"Riles, what? Talk to me!" Josh raised his voice, in worry. I closed my eyes and I felt Lucas's hand engulf mine. I felt my legs starting to shake and I felt the tears well up. "Riley!"

((I'm changing the POV to a third person point of view. Sorry I keep changing it. BTW 3rd person POV will be permanent))

"It was the day when Lucas and Maya, you know, said those awful things to me. Even though I forgave them, I will never forget what they said to me. I only pretended to like you because I felt bad for you. I can't believe I was ever friends with a weirdo like you. I cheated on you, you little bitch. I hated you. So I got my revenge and stole your boyfriend." Riley started raising her voice, tears streaming down. Lucas flinch from what the pretty brunette said, the grip of his hand tightened around hers and he clenched his teeth, staring at the ground in sudden shame and sadness. "On top of that, my parents were fucking addicted to alcohol, getting drunk everyday. It started from drinking at nights and coming back from home drunk like hell. Then, it rapidly became an everyday thing, from morning to night. Repeat. I have to take care of Auggie. I have to clean the empty wine and beer bottles. I have to clean the house. I have to cook. I once had this perfect life where I was happy, but from just that moment, my happiness just disappeared. They went to rehab and then I had bills and taxes to pay. I had to feed Auggie and walk him and myself to school. Auggie was coping from the absence of our parents, by drinking and getting into fights. He's so young, yet so broken. I have to be strong for him, yet I'm so broken and weak. I'm tired. I'm just so tired." Riley sighed, numbly. Lucas and Josh were in tears, hearing the heartbreaking story. "I can barely afford anything. I work two jobs. Day and night, when I'm not in school. I work as a fucking waitress, cashier, manager, owner, and bartender! I was there for Auggie of course but no one was not even there for me. Not you Josh, you are always travelling. Not Maya. Not Lucas. Not my parents. I had Farkle and Zay, but it was never the same. So, I-I" Rikey took a breathe, in and out. "Turned to cutting. Every time I do it, it just gets me away from the crappy world that I have to live in. You have no idea, how much I wanted to give up being able to breathe the air we breathe in but I couldn't leave Auggie here alone. This whole time, this whole year, I've been dealing with depression. I'm getting panic and anxiety attacks every night and I have to take a pill in order to get rid of them but I don't want to turn to that so I have to suffer for hours and hours until I finally cried myself to sleep. I stopped eating. There was no point. Literally no point at all. I lost everyone and everything in my life. So, why should I have to be happy when there is nothing to be happy about. I can only live in despair and in anger. Since then, I kept guard up and won't let anyone break that wall. Until, Lucas and Maya came to me. I forgive them but I don't think I could trust them right now." Riley was crying, hard. Her grasp from Lucas, loosened. She was clutching her stomach, sobbing like crazy. She dropped to the floor on her knees. Lucas and Josh rushed to Riley.

"Riley! Calm down. Lucas and I are here for you. Always!" Josh reassured her, engulfing her with a hug, tears streaming down his face as he held a sobbing Riley in his arms. Lucas was rubbing Riley's back in soft circles. Riley fell asleep in Josh's arms. He carried the brunette to her room and laid her down into her soft mattress. He had to wipe off the tears that came out, quickly. He pressed a kiss on her forehead as he just wondered why Riley deserved what she had to go through. He blames himself as he was so focused on his career and pushing the people she tried to forgive away. He blames himself.

"It's not your fault, Josh." A voice suddenly said. Josh jumped in surprise. It was the Texan cowboy, dried up tears on his slight tan cheekbones. He was leaning against the wood frame of the door. Josh motioned them to go to the living room's bay window was. The two boys sat down, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the Matthews' household. Josh was the first to speak.

"Look Lucas, I'm still pissed of what you said to my niece, but I know you did that to protect Riley's well being." Josh started, staring at the Texan. "Over time, I'll accept whatever it is you are for Riley. I appreciate you being there for Riley, but I'm her uncle. I'm taking a break from travelling and I'm staying here, with Riley and Auggie. You are welcome to come by the house but you cannot be here twenty four seven. You can come once or twice a week because Riley doesn't need a boy to cope. She needs an immediate family member to be with at the time. You can be there for her and I can't stop you at school. But, if you think to hurt my niece ever again, I will fucking kick your son of a bitch, ass out of her life, for good." Josh explained. Lucas nodded, understanding the brunette uncle.

"I understand Josh and I'm not gonna hurt Riley ever again. I don't want to lose her again. I'm just gonna be a friend right now. Nothing more. She needs more of a friend then boyfriend." Lucas stated, even though he still loves the New Yorker girl.

"Then, we have an agreement?" Josh asked, trying to see if Lucas will finally agree. It's time for Riley to heal, without the crazy ass drama. Except, it'll be harder to keep away a certain blonde best friend away from Riley, as he knows certain intentions of the blonde beauty what she is doing to the pretty brunette. Little did Riley know, her uncle Josh knows more than she led him on. After five minutes of thinking, Lucas answered.

"I agree."

 **Hiiiii guys, don't kill me. I'm 100000000 so sorry that I haven't written in five months. I've been really busy with school, friends, BOY DRAMA and dealing with personal issues. Such as depression. It's been a great summer except those few days. Literally, what Riley said was emotionally something to me where I just cried writing that because it's literally how I felt during the time. The addiction and living alone is not true in my life. I write because I love the hobby and being able to pour my heart out with characters that really relate to me. But thank you, for all my fix me readers for staying with me ok this rocky journey because I now have my parents and friend supporting me through the hell. I have a guy in my life. I've grown from the experiences I had as now I matured not only in life and independence to my writing as I have new experiences I can add into my story. I'm sixteen now and I got my permit today. I have school soon. I'm hoping to do a Q &A soon so start asking me questions. Let's hope I can post soon Chapter Eight. I had no Inspiration in writing this story and I was gonna give up but I couldn't do it all my fix me readers. I love all of you guys support. **

**-Jackie**


	8. Chapter 8

"You can't call me when I'm at her house!"

"You told me she is asleep!"

"She is but-"

"But, nothing! We are gonna talk!"

"Fine! What!"

"You can't tell her!"

"Well I know but-"

"Ugh, what! What but?"

"I feel horrible keeping this from her. You are hurting her by doing this!"

"Does it look like I care? You know what never mind. What you and I talked about here stays between you and me. If you say anything to her, you know what I'm capable of."

"Is that a threat? I didn't think you were capable of that." But, the line was dead already. The mysterious person sighed in annoyance and frustration.

"What are you still doing here?" The person jumped up, startled at the feminine voice. She stood there, her tired and pale body looking like she never slept.

"Riley, you scared the crap out of me." The person said, looking at the senior.

"Sorry. But, Josh are you mad at me?" Riley asked, her voice cracking. She was scared of what her Uncle Josh would think of her. He was the only person to actually be there for her but he was unknown from the situation. She didn't want to throw him down with her stupid problems.

"What? Of course not. I get why you didn't tell me because I know how I get. But, you could of told me and I would understand. Maybe not at the first, but I would come around." Josh explained. He will not blame her for lying to him or keeping it from him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I love you Uncle Josh." Riley said, smiling.

"It's okay and I love you too Riley." Josh and Riley engulfed each other into a hug. After Riley slept, Lucas and Josh talked for a little while until he had to go.

"I'm gonna find Lucas." Riley told him and off she went towards the door and opened it. She walked out and went into the main lobby. Quickly walking, she had to get to the subway as fast as she could so she doesn't miss the train. She walked into the situation, only to see Maya and Lucas talking. Narrowing her eyes, she decided to eavesdrop on what she was hearing.

"The plan was to have Riley to trust us and then we destroy her again. I talked to Josh and he was gonna tell her!" Maya exclaimed. Riley looked defeated, tears streamed down her face.

"Maya, I can't do this anymore! I fell in love with Riley again, right when I bumped into her, I fell in love with her again. I didn't go forward with the plan. I'm sorry." Lucas said. Maya slapped him across the face.

"No, you will keep going with the plan whether you like it or not. If you don't, I will tell Riley about that night. Riley deserves to be hurt. She took you away from me and she has everything! She makes fun of my home life, so she deserves what goes to her." Maya barked. Riley didn't know why Maya hate her so much, but she knew something wasn't right about Maya. But, that was someone deep inside her. The person who was barely deep, was heart broken from her ex best friend and ex boyfriend. It was all a plan. It was all fake! To hell, did he fall in love with her again and her own uncle was in on it. That is a piece of shit! Riley got out of her hiding spot, tears streaming down her face. Lucas and Maya turned to look at her. Maya's face was stunned. Lucas's face was heartbroken.

"It was all fake! It was all a plan to destroy me. Well congratulations! You won." Riley exclaimed, her voice cracking. Lucas took a step towards her, but Riley backed up. "Don't come any closer!"

"Riley-" Lucas started, he felt himself wanting to scream and cry.

"How could you! How could you do this to me? How could you plan this whole thing to see me suffer. What did I ever do to you?" Riley cried out, tears streaming down her face.

"It wasn't fake Riley. I couldn't bare to see you suffer. I really did, still do love you." Lucas explained, tears streaming down. Riley shook her head, sobbing.

"No, no you didn't. If you really did, you wouldn't of done it in the first place." Riley quietly said, her tears still flowing down. Maya walked up. Riley turned to her.

"What did I do to make you hate me? Everything I did for you was out of love from our friendship. I would never make fun of your home life. I was kidding around. I would of never did it on purpose. You know how my home life is! I don't have everything. And I never took Lucas! How could you think that. You knew you were my top priority! I would of given up Lucas for you! How could you this to me?" Riley shouted. Maya stared at her, tears streaming down her face.

"Riley, I-I-" Maya stuttered, her head looking down shamelessly.

"I knew I shouldn't of trusted either of you. I was so gullible to see you guys true colors. I never want to see you guys again. I'm done with you." Riley cried. She ran away, ignoring the shouts of her now ex friends.

She slammed the door of her apartment, fresh tears streaming. Josh rushed towards her.

"Riles, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Riley glared at him, while she started sobbing. She shoved him out of the way. "Riley, what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem? Are you fucking kidding me? How about you ask Maya?" Josh's face fell.

"You found out." Josh said.

"Hell yes I did. How could you? My own uncle!" Riley shouted.

"Maya threatened me!"

"How did she threatened you?"

"She said she would tell everyone something that was personal."

"Well did you know that she got Lucas to play in this game in breaking my heart?"

"She did what?"

"Yeah! And you were gonna destroy me too!"

"That's not true!"

"Then, what is?"

"I did this to protect the secret that was about you!" Josh cried out, but froze. Riley's eye widened.

"What is it?" Riley spat. Josh took a deep breath.

"Riley, remember the day when you were stressed out about school so you had to much to drink? You ended up drunk?" Josh asked, fear in his voice.

"Yeah? I remember in the morning, feeling really sore." Riley pondered for a moment. She remembered feeling her legs were really sore and her crotch area was sore. Riley's eyes narrowed and then widened. Her eyes brimmed with tears, as realization hit her.

"I-i was raped."

 **Duh duh duh. Shit happened. And Riley found out. I know if it seems rush but everything is going on track. This is how I'm doing my story. Everything will make sense in the end. But the story is far from over!**

 **I hate to do this to you fellow Fix Me readers, but oh my god. I'm getting fed up with the comments about my "logic" Okay listen up. I get my logic is "not logical." But are you the writer? I think not. I'm trying my best. And if you are annoyed by my writing, I kindly ask you to leave! I don't mean constructive criticism people to leave because they are helping me. But the people who tells me to check my logic is annoying because you obviously either one don't understand my writing or how it was suppose to be interpreted or TWO you just don't know the story at all. Before you make those comments, I suggest you to go back into the story and you'll know what I mean. But, thank you for the people who stand by me day one of my story. And I'm so sorry for all the wait you guys had to have. I will post as much as I can!**

 **-Jackie**


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